In honor of our hometown team's appearance in the Sweet 16 tonight, I'd like
to share a few hastily composed thoughts on the parallels between parenting and
coaching. How would you expand the list?
Offense Sells the Tickets, Defense Wins the Game
Whether you're trapping (for those of you married parents with one child),
playing man-to-man or in a zone like my husband and I, the same basic defensive
principles apply. Stay down in your stance and communicate.
Exhibit A: After a recent Friday of shuttling people to school, the doctor's
office (our 12th visit of 2013), the Walgreen's drive-through and our
accountant's house to pick up our tax return, my nerves were shot. So when my
eldest commenced with aggravating her brother to the point of inducing
ear-piercing shrieks, I gave them fair warning to stop. And when they didn't, I
lost it. 24 seconds after my husband got home, I was out the door, but before
the lock clicked I made sure to verbal the punishment I had handed down before
his arrival: no television for the guilty parties for the rest of the day.
Punishment for my husband, too, but that's called taking one for the team.
Clock Management
This is always important but rises to the level of critical late in a close
game. Quick shots and ill-advised threes are not what most coaches look for
when time is running out and you're up a bucket or two. I learned last week
that most coaches even designate an assistant to do nothing but watch the clock
late in the game to ensure they don't lose even a tenth of a second after a
made shot or turnover. I need one of those on school mornings.
My teacher husband is usually long gone before our kids wake up, which means
I have the pleasure of cattle prodding our daughter to eat breakfast, brush her
teeth and hair and get dressed while I scramble to pack lunches, snacks and the
permission slip-Malaria kit donation-library books-baggie of Box Tops-signed
progress report o' the day. Inevitably, this process goes down to the wire. The
kicker is I'm usually awake by 5:30 a.m., but nine mornings out of 10 I use
that time to a) hear myself think and b) fold laundry, prep dinner for that
evening, check e-mail, stuff outgrown/outdated clothing in a back for the
Vietnam Veterans donation truck that makes a monthly stop at our house, and so
on. Have I considered doing those things before going to bed at night? Yes, but
if I don't fall asleep with my 5- and 6-year olds, then I'm more interested in
eating ice cream and watching the tournament games than in washing the dinner
dishes.
Game Changers
A stand-out player, a pivotal foul call, a hustle play: all game changers,
people or points in time that swing the momentum or, uh, change the course of
the game. In our house, this is my 6-year old. Between the hours of 8:00 a.m. and
3:15 p.m., Monday through Friday, peace reigns at our house. My son and younger
daughter co-exist happily (mostly because my son is a peace maker who is
supremely tolerant of his little sister), and I, meanwhile, don't feel like I'm
enduring a four-hour cross-examination by Jack
McCoy.
All that changes the moment our neighbor's red van rolls in the driveway.
From the moment she breezes through the door, Tinkerbelle backpack dangling
from her hand, navy knee socks shoved down around her ankles, she is intent on
wreaking havoc. Well, maybe that's not actually her intent, but it's
usually the outcome. If her brother has received anything - a birthday party
invitation from a classmate, a Dum Dum from the bank, anything - and she has
not been equally compensated, she proclaims injustice and punctuates her
proclamation with foot stomps and scowls. (Side note: She sees no problem when
the tables are turned, however, as it's "different" when she's the
only one of her siblings invited to a paint-your-own pottery party.)
Before she even changes out of her plaid uniform skort, she's pushing
buttons, mine included. She is what you would call an agitator, a pot stirrer,
relentless and seemingly tireless in her campaign. My prayer is that she will
someday constructively channel this tenacity in support of a good cause. Maybe
equal pay for women since she's so intent on ensuring there is absolute
equality (so long as it favors her) in our home.
Go team!
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