Energy monsters

Just when I think I've made peace with the long list of areas in which I'm under-performing (have you seen my laundry room? Read my post about how my kids watch TV before bed?), I am reminded, this time by my local utilities company, that the list is, apparently, infinite and now includes "responsible energy consumption."

That's right. We're energy hogs, and as the self-appointed lights police of our household I took the news very personally.

According to our Smart Energy Profile, Louisville Gas & Electric Co.'s (LG&E's) latest initiative to shame, er, educate people on the topic of energy stewardship, we used 42% more energy than similar homes in the last two months. Our ranking last month? 89 out of 100.


Had it not looked like our monthly bill, I probably wouldn't have opened the envelope, as I have reached my saturation point with their pleas for us to enroll in demand conservation programs (relinquish control of my thermostat to the powers that be at LG&E? I don't think so.) And were I not hyper-competitive, I probably wouldn't be at all bothered by these statistics. But 89 out of 100? Seriously? We're doing that badly?

So I read the profile, which included a personalized action plan for beating some of our neighbors, I mean, operating a more energy efficient household. Our tips included closing the shades in the summer (wouldn't this necessitate turning on more lights? Or maybe we should invest in head lamps?) and testing and sealing any leaky ducts (our house is over 80 years old. Everything leaks! Ducts are probably the least of our concerns.)

Indignation quickly replaced my embarrassment over our abysmal ranking. While certainly a nice reminder that little changes can make a big difference, the profile didn't reflect the converse of that theory: little people can also have a gigantic impact on energy consumption.

Though our home was originally designed to accommodate a family of four, by today's standards we're packed in like sardines. I would be willing to bet that we are one of few five-person families living in a same-size house. So there, LG&E!

To compound the situation, our kids are always here. Daycare is in our living room, which is wonderful in so many ways but costly in terms of energy consumption. Unless we ask our parents to strap on one of those head lamps and bundle up in the winter, I'm afraid we'll have to keep hogging it up until our youngest enters kindergarten. In the fall of 2016.

Feeling compelled to justify our wastefulness, I went to LG&E's Web site to further customize our home profile with the number of adult and child occupants. While there, I also sifted through the company's full suite of recommendations for reducing energy use.

Wash clothes in cold water. (Mostly) already doing this, though primarily to preserve clothing quality rather than conserve energy, but since the site didn't require me to state my motive it counts.

Unplug appliances and electronics when not in use. No can do. Besides the fact that unplugging our TV and Dish receiver would reset the entire system each time, one of my OCD hang-ups is when the clock on a small appliance is flashing the incorrect time. Constantly resetting clocks on everything from coffee makers to iPod docking stations would drive me mad. It's not worth the $16 we'd save each year.

Host "fancy dinner" nights. Let your kids trick out the table with linen cloths, bedazzled centerpieces and candles, then turn out the lights. Okay, this wasn't an official recommendation, but we did it last night at the kids' request. Saving money while setting the stage for a semi-peaceful dinner scenario? Now that's what I call a smart tip.