An inconvenient truth

First, a confession: I like Taylor Swift songs. Not all of them, but a handful of them, which I gleefully crank up in my car as I did on my way into work Tuesday.

Given that the kid is barely old enough to order a cocktail, I expect wisdom from her songs. I just like the catchy tunes and the fact that she actually plays and writes her own music. So I was surprised to find myself getting philosophical (at 8:30 in the morning, no less) in response to this five-word phrase from the song Ours: life makes love look hard.

In my experience, love is hard. Loving someone else (a spouse, a child, a sibling) means you love yourself a little less, and human beings aren't hardwired to do that. Whether you believe it's a product of evolution or the Biblical fall from grace, people have an innate tendency to look out for No. 1.

The Wikipedia definition of love includes words like kindness, compassion, and "the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another." Love is, by nature, unselfish, and people are, by nature, selfish.

Think I'm a pessimist? Think of all the times you've been angry at your spouse or significant other. Why were you upset? If you dig deep enough, I'd be willing to wager that it stemmed from the fact that your needs weren't met. You didn't get "your way."

Even loving your kids can be a challenge of epic proportions. No one on the planet is needier and greedier than young children. According to Parent Further, most kids are still self-centered at the age of nine. I would argue that most of us never completely outgrow that tendency toward self-absorption, we simply learn to keep it hidden from the outside world.

Yet it always rears its head in some fashion.

For instance, my husband and I struggle to accept the loss of freedom that comes with being a parent. We envy those people who can do what they want to do when they want to do it. We don't get to do what we want to do. No fair! So we lose our tempers (with the kids and each other), and then we realize that we're modeling the very behaviors that we're trying to teach out of our kids.

Love is not simply a feeling. It is a choice, a daily decision to prioritize the needs and well-being of another person ahead of your own.

The good news is, when you make the choice to love other people they're probably going to love you back (even when you're cranky and critical.) By virtue of the fact that we're all innately self-centered, we all have moments when we're a little bit difficult to love, and circumstances of life - slim budgets, sleep deprivation, stress at work - don't make it any easier.

So for the record, Ms. Swift, I say love is hard. But worth every difficult second. I hope my loved ones would agree.